Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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