he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
