We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
