So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
