shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
