you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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