Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I want is dick and wine.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize