I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize