If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
