how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm just crazy horny about you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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