we have officially lost it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
