Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
