he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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