Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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