What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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