His pubic hair was longer than his dick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize