Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
