I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
