Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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