mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
