Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
