Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
