remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
