Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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