Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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