You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
