I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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