im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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