I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
