I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
