She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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