why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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