I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
