I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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