Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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