Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
