Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
