i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My ass is underappreciated
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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