I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
