he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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