I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
