my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
MIDGETS
????
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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