We're facebook friends in real life
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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