A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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