dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
