Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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