i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
