just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
