Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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