batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
