You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize