its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
