Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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