i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
