Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
