It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My penis needs a shock collar
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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