I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I fill condoms, not promises.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
