I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
