So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i love accidental penises.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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