you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
