I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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