Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize