I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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