he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
