I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize