gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
