The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
