at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
