If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
