We need to rekindle our bromance
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
